The nature of confidence

Words have meaning. That's obvious, of course. There would be no point in owning a dictionary if words didn't have meaning. But then we have all had our experiences with slang expressions that mean something entirely different than Mr. Webster suggested they should. In fact, there are at least some slang expressions that mean the exact opposite of what the dictionary proposes.

That brings me to a very important word; confidence.

The word, confidence, implies trust, certainty, and assurance. These are all positive terms that give us comfort. They add stability to our lives. They gently lull us into a sense of security that suggests we can forget our cares, let down our guard, and smell the roses without any risk or worry.

Oops. That's the dictionary definition of confidence. There is another meaning for the word, too – a version that is often paired with a second word that suggests fun, frolic, and a carefree attitude. The word is, game. Together, they add up to, confidence game – a term that no one wants to be on the wrong side of. There is no fun or frolic here, only heartache and anxiety.

I point this out for a simple, but very important reason. Sometimes, out of the goodness of our hearts, and a willingness to believe that all people are basically good, and caring – we forget that the truth is otherwise. Surely, most people are good and caring, and they really are basically decent people who have no intention of doing us any harm. However, there is a minority of people who prey on the unwitting, the passive, and the trusting among us who feel it is impolite to ask for credentials, or proper identification. Of course they don't seem like bad people. They may very well earn their living with a winning smile, after all. They may display nothing be the best manners, a sincere interest in our well-being, and an honest curiosity about our family and friends.

But of course, good manners, sincere interest, and honest curiosity does not mean that we are dealing with an upstanding person who means us no harm. How many times have we each seen a news story about some poor elderly couple who paid a solicitor for repair work to be done to their home, only to find no work crew ever shows up? Worse, what about the work crew who does show up and begins the job, only to disappear when a check for the full balance of the bill changes hands – and the workmen never appear again, leaving an even larger repair bill to be paid than if the work had never been started in the first place.

Sadly, the reality is that we all need to remain wary, at least to some degree, all the time. We are often safest when we work with contractors we know, or those who we can obtain solid references for.

Warning signs of a potential confidence game include workmen who sell their services door-to-door, refuse to show proper identification and licensing information – even if they refuse very politely, and you should always be suspicious of contractors who demand payment-in-full before the work is completed to your satisfaction.

Remember, it is always acceptable to tell a salesperson, even a salesperson who appears to have real concern for the well being of your home, “Thanks for sharing this information with me. I will certainly give your company serious thought, and I may be back in touch with you after I get another quote from a competing company.”

After saying those words, and closing your front door, or hanging up your phone, you just may feel a sense of confidence swell up inside you as you realize you have just behaved like the cautious consumer you know you should be. And that is the nature of true confidence, with no games.